Have you ever thought about when the kids are gone?

I don't mean in that daydreaming way. Not in the going to the bathroom with 5 minutes peace way.

I mean have you thought about that next section of your life?

I never did.

I remember planning the family. Preparing for each baby to make their grand entrance into our world. I remember knowing my family was complete and holding on for the ride.

But then the ride just took over. I went on auto-pilot.

I've spent nearly 18 years saying, "It'll be fine" as each sunset rolled into the next sunrise.

I remember looking ahead. It seemed like a long road. Alot to do. Alot that would happen.

And it did.

It just happened much faster than it felt like I was driving.

I'm facing a weird time and I haven't settled into how it might feel.

Mostly because I never thought about this half of life.

I remember very clearly what it felt like when we made bedroom changes and carseat rotations as we made room for each wonderful new addition.

I suppose I shall now remember how it feels when the house grows a bit larger and emptier as each one works their way out of the door that we brought them through all swaddled up tightly.

Son #1 is getting ready to make his college acceptance. I know he will be leaving in 5 short months. I'd be totally lying if I didn't say it is freaking the bejeezies out of me.

Son #2 has now completed Driver's Ed making the drivers in our home the majority rather than the minority now.

Son #3 will be finishing up his last year of homeschooling with me in the next two months after being home with me his entire life.

Daughter has been invited to return to the ballet school again next year. I had only considered the original invitation for an experimental year. It was too much to think it would be anymore than that.

My home is going to be very quiet. Very soon.

For those of you who know me well - I have joked about that day. But honestly - I never really thought about it as a reality.

I never thought about the fact that one day I would not be the young mom.

Alot of things to think to the future about.

Equally as many things to remember about the past.

I guess that is what being middle aged is.

Remembering all you did with the first half.

Imagining all that will come with the second half.

Maybe some people have a long list of things they want to do when the kids start thinning out.

I don't.

Right now I'm feeling like the happiest moments were in the first half.

Finding my soulmate and saying 'I do.'

Then each time they placed an amazing baby in my arms, it was perfection.

What on earth could possibly happen in the next half that could even come close to that?

I never thought about it before.

And I don't want to think about it now.